– Alan Watts
These quotes I post are all relevant to me and my life in some way, but today’s I wanted to post along with an explanation of its meaning to me. I hope reading these quotes will spark meaning in you along with a sense of clarity.
My ex is the first person I think of when I think of this muddy water. He’s a mess of thoughts and choices that I can’t understand. I try to understand it all, but in the end I just don’t see why he is guided in the direction he’s going in… He spoke to me yesterday for the first time in a few weeks, and he wants to be friends. I can’t reconcile with that yet. I can’t accept yet his willingness to leave it at that level. I have this inner pull that’s pushing me to hoping he’ll change his mind. The thing is – I have to be rational and understand that there is also an equal possibility that this scenario will never happen. He might never want me. That’s horrifying to type….. But… just as these words move my cursor forward, I have to move forward as well. I have to leave him, the muddy water, alone with himself. My trying to move it and change it is only going to make it more unsettled.
In situations of love, I believe in fate. Outside of the arena of things that you can control in a relationship, I believe that fate will play its part in guiding someone to another. Since this situation is now largely out of my control, the way it will manifest in the future is just going to have to be left to fate. Perhaps I was meant to meet him and be exhilarated by this relationship and then have it cut to teach me yet another lesson in life. Or perhaps it was more a lesson for him.
Love has brought me more sadness and pain than anything else in this life. This quote helps me to cope with it all, though.